Monday, 31 October 2011
Thanks for getting in touch.
Just to confuse you even more I am also known as Dominic Hyde after my original spanko profile on Facebook got nuked. I'm just out to a meeting about a play munch I'm organising next Wednesday in King's Cross. You can find details of that on [… ] Might be a little daunting for you, but you're very welcome and under no obligation to join in the fun in the cellar bar.
I have a blog (which I've just moved over to Google Blogs today) which sort of explains who I am and partly what I do. You can find it here
As you's will see I'm no oil painting, but I do believe spanking is an effective disciplinary tool for all ages. It can also be fun.
I assume you'll have lots of questions and I'm happy to answer them, so please do email me back once you've read the blog and tell me about you.
Frstly, thanks so much for your email, both here and on British Spanking. And your very interesting blog.
You have described exactly what I am looking for, ie proper punishment and discipline. I grew up in a home with no boundaries and as a result had no respect for authority and behaved very badly. Shoplifted as a kid and was a nightmare for the teachers at boarding school. Disrupted class and played many cruel jokes on people and made sure other girls got the blame.
Was an even worse teenager, getting drunk and staying out all night, taking money from my mother's purse. The only punishment at my school was washing up for the school which I didn't mind.
Have always wrapped everyone round my little finger. My husband is no exception. He is so passive that I wear the pants and he lets me get away with murder. I make him do all the housework etc.
With such a long list of misdeeds and many bad attitudes I am looking for a disciplinarian to help with both and, I guess, take me in hand. I have always got my own way and haven't had anyone stand up to me.
I really want to change and be accountable to someone who would bring correction and discipline. Is this something you feel you could help with?
Thanks again for your message and I hope to hear from you. Hope you have had a good day.
I've had a chance to read your email and I hope you don't mind if I weigh in with my thoughts.
You and I grew up in an era when spanking was, although becoming less common, still something to be expected by many kids our age. I imagine you knew other kids who were getting it and I'm wondering if, like me, you were curious about it. I was spanked at home and school. My parents were loving and not in the least bit distant. The spankings I got were neither frequent or brutal, nor were they just warning smacks. They told me where the line was. Although I didn't appreciate it at the time, they were as important as the frequent hugs I DID receive.
You seem to be carrying a lot of guilt about your past behaviour, and, to be frank, you should. Making sure others got the blame for your actions was malicious and cowardly. It sounds like you were craving attention, any attention. You didn't just lack boundaries, but real affection. I think you were doing your best to get spanked by someone, ANYONE, just to be noticed.
Taking money from your mother's purse and staying out all night drinking is, as you believe, a symptom of the lack of loving control you have needed since you were a little girl. You did them because you could. Are they victimless crimes? Did your mother miss that money? Did she feel so cowed by you that she would prefer to let it slide? Did she feel that your father wouldn't give you what you were crying out for? Did your parents worry about your drinking and staying out all night? I know mine did. I don't know if your parents worried about you. That's something you'll have to think about.
As for your relationship with your husband. Why did you marry him? Did you respect him as a person when you first met? Have you just beaten him down to the point where he just doesn't care about you any more, and submits to your demands for a quiet life?
You do need accountability, which you feel your husband should provide. You probably won't believe me when I say that I don't always think spanking is appropriate, but in your case I'm pretty sure it is. I think first of all you need a cathartic closure spanking. You need the hand spanking your mother should have given you as a girl, the slippering the school should have given you for disrupting lessons and the strapping your father should have given you for your teenage activities.
You will at some stage need the spanking you feel your husband should be giving you. I would need to talk with you some more about that to formulate the plan.
You are the product of your upbringing and your upbringing was lacking. However you can grow past that. I imagine you've been carrying this guilt for a while now and that it is eating you up inside. Spanking alone isn't going to bring about change. You have to really want this. And you will only get rid of that nagging guilt when you take action to make the change.
You need to learn to respect your husband. He's never going to be a dominant Head of House. I don't think you are naturally dominant either. You just believe in roles and you are filling a vacuum. However I don't think it's making either of you happy. It's not good to diminish another person just because you can. Ultimate it demeans you.
I am happy to provide the accountability and discipline you need.
A few things you need to know: it is going to hurt more than you imagined. I'm not an ogre, but I do know that the memory of pain fades quickly, so pain needs to be quite intense and stay with you a while for the lesson to sink in. For this reason you may take your spankings over a number of visits. The final spanking will be quite intense, and as you are probably not sure what your threshold is, it is something you should think about.
You will find the spanking arousing, There is an endorphin rush to the brain will kick in at some point. This is the body's fear and pain management system, but in a prolonged spanking the effect is exhillerating. The lecture, the waiting, the corner time and the spanking will trigger memories. Those memories might even produce tears as you let all the hurt and guilt go. As this is something you feel you should receive from your husband you may find the process sexually arousing. This is normal. How that is dealt with is up to you.
I spank on the bare bottom and use a variety of implements. The most important is my voice. You will be interviewed before the punishment, and you WILL know my displeasure.
Do not be afraid to ask for a hug.
I would like you to present me a 500 word handwritten essay on the subject of Respect, and I would like you to prepare your husband's favourite meal, treat him like a king and indulge hie every wish for one night. Do with with an open heart. Even if you decide your relationship is over he deserves that much for putting up with you.
I would then propose to give you a hand spanking, slippering and complete the session with a short dose of either the hairbrush or the strap. This, I feel, will help you bring closure to the mistakes of the past, and provide a basis from which to grow in a more contained, controlled way.
I have been doing this over a number of years. I grew up fascinated with spankings, and from my mid thirties started giving them. As I have suggested, ask around the more active members of the site.
Any punishments I aware are always given with your express consent. You can withdraw that consent at any time, even during a spanking. This is done by means of a "safe word" - a word agreed between us which ends the session or stops the activity. Often people use the "traffic light" system, which should be self explanatory.
For your safety I suggest a "safe call". Tell a trusted friend that you are meeting someone, and that you will call them during that meeting to let them know you are safe. It's safe to meet first of all in a public place. That's one rule I don't always adhere to.
I hope I have covered the bases. If there is anything you need to know, please reply. I imagine you've had several responses and I hope you find what you need, The ball is now in your court.
Thank you very much indeed for such a fabulous and insightful email. You really do sound perfect for what I am looking for. I shall be discreet at all times and adhere to whatever rules you set.
You described my upbringing with amazing insight. There are an enormous amount of bad things I got up to. I only shared with you the mild ones! The emotional side of my parents' neglect I dealt with through counselling some years back, which is why I now feel ready to focus on my part of the story and take responsibility for all I did wrong.
My husband was fairly strong before we got married, then once the ceremony was over he told me he wanted to "abdicate from all headship" and have me in charge, which is not what I wanted. I realised then I had made a terrible mistake, then our son came along so we will wait until he is independent, then divorce. You are so right in saying I have not treated him well. He even has a bald patch from my pulling at his hair in fits of anger (never when my son was around)! I can send you more details of the other bad things I have got up to in life if you wanted.
Would it be acceptable to do the essay on Sunday evening please?The reason being that I am working for my father today then have a friend arriving for a long weekend tomorrow?
I will do my best to be nice to my husband for a day! May do it through gritted teeth!
In haste (late lunch hour) but with very grateful thanks for your offer of help which sounds spot on and which I would like to accept please. I can't accommodate unfortunately but can travel to you if you had a venue in mind?
Hope the rest of your day goes very well.
You can do the essay whenever you feel ready. There is no deadline unless you want me to set one. It isn't for my benefit. I would like you to bring it to our meeting and I will read it then.
I know being nice to a man you don't respect isn't going to be easy. But he's stayed to provide for and care for your son. I'm only asking for one day, then you can go back to ignoring each other. I know how frustrating that must be for you. I am not about setting you rules, but agreeing a course of action with you, and keeping you accountable to it.
The spanking I intend to give you is to draw a line under your earlier life and wipe the slate clean for you, Where you go from there is up to you. I would think very carefully about what you tell me about your earlier activities as I WILL take these into account when deciding your punishment.
I am so sorry not to have emailed before now. Been unbelievably busy.
Purely due to the easier journey, I met a disciplinarian from this county recently and took part one of my list of misdeeds to work through. I didn't feel at all comfortable with this person, but that may have just been me, so am not pursuing again. I am a very warm person and am not good with people who are the opposite. It would be nice after punishment to have a hug or bit of reassurance that all was forgotten.
Again, apologies for this late email. Been rather a lot happening. Do hope all is well and the heat isn't unbearable in London.
Sorry about your news and your unpleasant encounter. You deserve better. If you're ever ready again let me know.
Many thanks for your understanding email. I do want to pursue discipline. Not just for the past but as I have probably mentioned for current bad attitudes as well. Been so frazzled with the Norway atrocities I'm afraid I have forgotten how far we had come in terms of getting started. Will look over your messages again.
Some of my past offences are very serious. A couple done when a teenager were illegal and others put people in danger. Do you mind if I ask what sort of punishment you would give for those kinds of misdeeds?
Hope all's well with you.
Well, if you read my blog post "Formality", the truth behind that story was a teacher who contacted me feeling guilty about accidentally leaving a toddler behind in a park during an outdoor lesson. The agreed punishment was twelve strokes of the senior cane. I ended up giving her thirty six strokes at full force to bring her to the point of catharsis she needed. "Sabrina" is an experience spankee with a high pain threshold and a strong desire to be punished at the heavier end of the spectrum.
I would have to read your reactions and body language under warm up spankings, but I have punished theft from a shop with twelve full force strokes of the cane. For the illegal activities I would suggest a combination of strap and cane. It really IS horses for courses. In your first session you might be tempted to take more than is good for you. You also need to know that strap and cane marks remain highly visible for three or four days, and visible for up to two weeks.
If you cannot be marked I WOULD use a lexan paddle, which hurts like there's no tomorrow, but does not mark or bruise. At the moment I'm having trouble sourcing one in the UK.
As this stuff is hopefully in your past the beating alone will draw a line under the incidents.
Hopefully this will ease your frustration with your husband who deserves civility and not abuse.
The original punishments I had in mind were a hand spanking, a school style slippering, followed by a dozen with the strap. I also requested a 500 word handwritten essay on the subject of respect. Anything you add to your list will result in additional strap brush or cane strokes, depending on the nature of the incidents.
Think carefully before you send me your list.
Until then, take care.
Ps I will send pictures of the implements to give you an idea of what is in store.
Thank you so much for your comprehensive email, you write very well and the details you give help me prepare for punishment. The only issue I have is that you want me to respect my husband!! I think respect is earned, not given, and I have none whatsoever for him as he is such a wimp. May get HIM to do the essay you want! :-)
Here are a few examples of my misdeeds:
As a kid telling my parents my sister had been run over & killed (she hadn't)
Wasting an entire private education by not working
Stealing money from my mother's purse
Shoplifting as a kid several times
Playing painful jokes on teachers
Ruining a school Open Day
Lacing a fruit punch with alcohol & making a girl very ill
Running away from home
Spent all year at O'level college in the pub
Causing an explosion at school
Getting drunk all the time as a teenager & staying out all night
Having no respect for authority
Flooding bathroom at school & getting another girl blamed for it. A teacher was in the room below & could have been electrocuted as water was pouring through her ceiling light. The girl I blamed was smacked by her father
Stealing a police sign
Cheating at a secretarial exam
Showing up at o'levels high on marijuana
Caused cinema to be evacuated by playing joke
Borrowing 360 quid from my father's petty cash at work & not paying it back
Lying to my parents all the time
Getting into debt by over-spending & getting my dad and/or husband to pay them off (multiple times)
Not looking after someone's child by getting drunk
Hitting husband & pulling his hair out many times
Throwing hubby's phone & camera out of the window
Playing jokes all the time on a friend at work & disrupting his meetings
Smuggling marijuana in my bra from L.A. to London when 20
These are just a few examples as I have a lifetime's worth to account for. Forgive me if I have told them to you already. There are loads more.
Hope you are not too shocked. I have always been a law unto myself but genuinely want to change. My husband and I have not slept in the same bedroom for years so marks on my bum aren't an issue.
Look forward to hearing from you, albeit nervously!
Just to say how relieved I was to hear that you and your loved ones are safe, was concerned for you. What a summer! Spent two weeks desperately worried about the safety of friends and family in Oslo, now have the same concerns about loved ones in London!
Hope you weren't too shocked by the examples from my list of misdeeds. Growing up in a home with literally no boundaries or consequences I have always been a law unto myself and misbehaved every day, so accounting for them all would take years! So will have to lump a whole load together when being punished! Do you mind cheekiness?
Hope you and your family stay safe and well. Take care.
- Show quoted text -
Wow, what a list.
I DID ask you to think carefully before you admitted your past faults to me. I have given this some thought and based by awards on the damage or distress caused to other people by your actions or failure to act. Harm or distress to others earns more severe punishment that theft or behaviour which cost someone else money.
There are some misdeeds for which, frankly, I feel a little hypocritical in awarding you a punishment. I wasted a year in college in the pub, and brought marijuana into the country in my late thirties! However at the age you committed the offence an arrest in LA would have cost your parents thousands in legal fees, you wouls have lost your holiday and never have been allowed back into the US. Everything has consequences.
You grew up without boundaries, it is true, but most of us at least have a sense that others suffer by your actions. At least now you are showing some degree of conscience and desire to move on.
It is too late to make amends for most of your behaviour. It goes beyond youthful high spirits in many cases and you know that, I understand you have had counselling and that you are aware that you do not NEED to be punished for your misdeeds, but as an adult you feel the punishment would give you a sense of closure.
This pattern of behaviour should have been nipped in the bud, but you were surrounded by people who did not have the courage to set the appropriate boundaries. Punishment does not of itself create good behaviour, but lets the person being punished know that their current behaviour is unacceptable. You should have been taken firmly in hand as a girl. Now, however, you have earned yourself a considerable punishment, which I have set out below.
Wasting an entire private education by not working Handspanking and Cornertime
Disrupting class Hand spanking
Playing painful jokes on teachers Hand spanking
Spent all year at O'level college in the pub Handspanking and Cornertime
Having no respect for authority Handspanking and Cornertime
Lying to my parents all the time Handspanking and Cornertime
Getting into debt by over-spending & getting my dad and/or husband to pay them off (multiple times) Handspanking and Cornertime
Playing jokes all the time on a friend at work & disrupting his meetings Hand spanking
As a kid telling my parents my sister had been run over & killed (she hadn't) Slipper (12)
Ruining a school Open Day Slipper (6)
Stealing a police sign Slipper (6)
Caused cinema to be evacuated by playing joke Slipper (8)
Borrowing 360 quid from my father's petty cash at work & not paying it back Slipper (8)
Bullying kids Hairbrush (12)
Stealing money from my mother's purse Hairbrush (6)
Flooding bathroom at school & getting another girl blamed for it. A teacher was in the room below & could have been electrocuted as water was pouring through her ceiling light. The girl I blamed was smacked by her father Hairbrush (12 over 12 cane strokes)
Smuggling marijuana in my bra from L.A. to London when 20 Hairbrush (8) You would have cost your parents thousands if caught
Shoplifting as a kid several times Strapped Hands (6)
Cheating at a secretarial exam Strapped hands (6)
Showing up at O'levels high on marijuana Strapped hands (6)
Running away from home Strap (8)
Getting drunk all the time as a teenager & staying out all night Strap (8)
Hitting husband & pulling his hair out many times Strap (12)
Throwing hubby's phone & camera out of the window Strap (8)
Lacing a fruit punch with alcohol & making a girl very ill Cane (8)
Causing an explosion at school Cane (12)
Flooding bathroom at school & getting another girl blamed for it. A teacher was in the room below & could have been electrocuted as water was pouring through her ceiling light. The girl I blamed was smacked by her father Cane (12 followed by 12 with hairbrush over strokes)
Not looking after someone's child by getting drunk Cane (12)
Handspanking 15-20 minutes
Hairbrush (26) (38 in total)
Corner time (15 mins)
Hand Strapping (18)
The prospect of the above should fill you with dread. |t is beyond the scope of must humans. You CAN try to take this if you wish, or take it over several sessions.
If have the capacity to be merciful, if you wish to conclude this in one session. It will be severe. Your return journey will be very difficult and the pain will stay with you for several days.
Merciful Punishment Suggestion
Handspanking (15-20 mins)
Corner time (15 mins)
Hand Strapping (6)
At the end of each implement we will hug, talk this through and allow you to let the misdeeds go. It will be an intense physical and emotional session.
Let me know if you think this is appropriate.
Anyway, those are my current thoughts on the matter. You can withdraw some of your misdeeds in your next email, but I believe my proposals are fair given your actions over the years.
It was so kind of you to take such time and care over deciding which punishments should fit the crimes I shared with you. I appreciate that very much and thought you were more than fair, and I am happy with them, although I am not sure my bum would cope with all that in one session only! Perhaps over a few sessions?
I shared a room with [An Ex Royal] (once dyed her pubes green!) and Jean-Paul Belmondo's daughter Florence (we called her Flo). I I didn't like her at school so didn't keep in touch, although she contacted me.
Thanks again for your kind help. Would I also be able to have help with changing current behaviour please? Have just got my dad to clear all my debts again, which I know was a bit naughty.
Stay safe, and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Strangely enough I never did get that essay ...